As I turn towards this phase of my life
My heart aches with longing that is present and yet to come.
What a precarious position
As I grieve the recent loss of my mother
Deep and sharp but still bitter to the taste
And just when my heart feels kicked and torn
The immense thought of you leaving within a year crushes me.
The moment I became a mom lifted my soul to a pinnacle height
How much love can I hold in my being for one just born?
My oldest, my only son
You, strong, faithful, honest and earnest
You held my heart from the day you were born.
I fall to my knees with the grief now
How can one person bear this?
Certainly, there is greater divisive and useless suffering in the world
That I of course realize but this distinct
Pain of a motherless mother who must let go
On both sides
I’m singular now but can’t relinquish.
What has helped to define me now shifts
What I have built my life around now must change
Anyone who ever says this is good
Maybe well-intentioned, but without the understanding
That the release of a parent and a child sting to its core.
And yet, as the day comes to an end
I am reminded of acceptance, grace and now transcendence,
And most certainly gratitude.
