by terrisearstherapy | Feb 6, 2025 | Poems
As I turn towards this phase of my life
My heart aches with longing that is present and yet to come.
What a precarious position
As I grieve the recent loss of my mother
Deep and sharp but still bitter to the taste
And just when my heart feels kicked and torn
The immense thought of you leaving within a year crushes me.
The moment I became a mom lifted my soul to a pinnacle height
How much love can I hold in my being for one just born?
My oldest, my only son
You, strong, faithful, honest and earnest
You held my heart from the day you were born.
I fall to my knees with the grief now
How can one person bear this?
Certainly, there is greater divisive and useless suffering in the world
That I of course realize but this distinct
Pain of a motherless mother who must let go
On both sides
I’m singular now but can’t relinquish.
What has helped to define me now shifts
What I have built my life around now must change
Anyone who ever says this is good
Maybe well-intentioned, but without the understanding
That the release of a parent and a child sting to its core.
And yet, as the day comes to an end
I am reminded of acceptance, grace and now transcendence,
And most certainly gratitude.
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by terrisearstherapy | Feb 2, 2025 | Poems
We didn’t get that much time with you…
Your love of melody and melancholy
Snickers bars and getting stuck in the Black Hills snow in your Scout
All describe your inclinations…your thing, your way.
Remembering going for walks with you in the warm summer evenings
Just to look at the Moon.
Oh, blue moon looking down on us
Smiling knowing the love shared and tragedy to come
How does one ever make sense of senseless loss?
Our hearts are only so big and when there’s a hole in your heart
You have less to work with.
I’m always sewing and mending my heart.
I think your heart was just too big for this world.
It took on all emotions and couldn’t differentiate between
What to treasure and what to let go of.
It wasn’t easy for you with a father who wasn’t around much and was an alcoholic.
He set a pathway for you that you never wanted to really take.
Your pursuit of excellence
Carried you through until your woundedness overtook you.
As I’m getting closer to the age when you died,
I have questions.
Why did you feel so alone even though many loved you?
What about living this life turned you into a shell of yourself?
Why did debilitating depression have to take you from us?
No real answer to these questions will suffice because they won’t bring you back.
I saw your spirit break, after a long battle
It was exasperated.
You had to release it.
But make no mistake, those of us left behind will always wish we had more time.
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