by terrisearstherapy | Apr 23, 2025 | Poems
I begin again,
Oh sweet soul how do you feel?
Sit beside me now and speak.
I respond with pondering this Life.
Living it is like being inside of a square
All the angles lead you on different paths
And guide you towards a direction
Somehow though we don’t see our way
Always wanting someone to tell us
“what is the right way?”
Yearning, searching, waiting to finally arrive
At the place we envision
The place we know we should be
This human condition
Of never being satisfied with what is
I too am sick of advise that tells us
To just embrace the now…
What if Now sucks???
I can’t tell you your way
But my way entangles love,
Pain, loss, fear and joy.
And of course that yearning
Maybe someday the yearning
Will settle down.
Maybe she will make peace with what is
And all that she truly has.
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by terrisearstherapy | Apr 20, 2025 | Poems
It’s harsh at first, takes your breath away and brings you to your knees
You go on throughout your day and then you remember
Their voice, their laugh, the form of their mouth, their essence
How is it that the world carries on?
Don’t they know that everything is forever changed and will never be the same?
Of course we are never ready for it,
But you can’t prepare for death, even if you know it’s coming because you don’t really know until it finally occurs and you feel it in your bones.
Missing them doesn’t stop,
It’s like swimming in the ocean,
with your body going under each wave again and again,
you come up for air and breathe for the moment
knowing, it will come back again.
Each day is long and yet you have reasons to live.
What gives your life meaning now?
Your precious family, friends or your life’s work….does it all really matter?
Of course it does, this is all that matters.
This and your solid soul remembering to live.
Even with loss, immense loss, we must live.
Even when we don’t want to, even when it feels too hard.
What measure do we provide of the love we received from them to give up now?
Yes, we must live to show others how we have been forever changed by those who’ve gone before us.
We must pass it on.
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by terrisearstherapy | Mar 6, 2025 | Poems
Waking with an ache in my heart
Music settles me but reminds me of you
and what has been lost
What do we do now?
How do we navigate this space with our hearts broken and minds wandering?
How does anyone begin again?
Surely we are not the same and yet our hands have not changed but our voice is different
When we speak now there is a different sound, the sound of grief,
the sound of what will never be again and a shift in tone that will remain.
Let my broken voice and heart connect to you so that I have the courage to begin again.
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by terrisearstherapy | Mar 1, 2025 | Poems
Manifesting what?
Abundance, stability, support
All to help you navigate this crazy life
The push-pull between wanting and letting go
What is the magic formula?
Endless searching and studying those who’ve “made it”
How did they do it? What am I doing wrong?
Always striving and pushing forward
The secret to success is found here
I’m tired
I’m tired of following you and your way
What is my way?
What is our way?
An interconnected mess
When will this soul settle down
And finally realize this is it?
Even if it feels like not enough.
I don’t begrudge you of your intentions and goals
I only remind you and myself that with every dream, every pursuit
You must hold with it
The wanting and then it’s letting go.
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by terrisearstherapy | Feb 6, 2025 | Poems
As I turn towards this phase of my life
My heart aches with longing that is present and yet to come.
What a precarious position
As I grieve the recent loss of my mother
Deep and sharp but still bitter to the taste
And just when my heart feels kicked and torn
The immense thought of you leaving within a year crushes me.
The moment I became a mom lifted my soul to a pinnacle height
How much love can I hold in my being for one just born?
My oldest, my only son
You, strong, faithful, honest and earnest
You held my heart from the day you were born.
I fall to my knees with the grief now
How can one person bear this?
Certainly, there is greater divisive and useless suffering in the world
That I of course realize but this distinct
Pain of a motherless mother who must let go
On both sides
I’m singular now but can’t relinquish.
What has helped to define me now shifts
What I have built my life around now must change
Anyone who ever says this is good
Maybe well-intentioned, but without the understanding
That the release of a parent and a child sting to its core.
And yet, as the day comes to an end
I am reminded of acceptance, grace and now transcendence,
And most certainly gratitude.
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by terrisearstherapy | Feb 2, 2025 | Poems
We didn’t get that much time with you…
Your love of melody and melancholy
Snickers bars and getting stuck in the Black Hills snow in your Scout
All describe your inclinations…your thing, your way.
Remembering going for walks with you in the warm summer evenings
Just to look at the Moon.
Oh, blue moon looking down on us
Smiling knowing the love shared and tragedy to come
How does one ever make sense of senseless loss?
Our hearts are only so big and when there’s a hole in your heart
You have less to work with.
I’m always sewing and mending my heart.
I think your heart was just too big for this world.
It took on all emotions and couldn’t differentiate between
What to treasure and what to let go of.
It wasn’t easy for you with a father who wasn’t around much and was an alcoholic.
He set a pathway for you that you never wanted to really take.
Your pursuit of excellence
Carried you through until your woundedness overtook you.
As I’m getting closer to the age when you died,
I have questions.
Why did you feel so alone even though many loved you?
What about living this life turned you into a shell of yourself?
Why did debilitating depression have to take you from us?
No real answer to these questions will suffice because they won’t bring you back.
I saw your spirit break, after a long battle
It was exasperated.
You had to release it.
But make no mistake, those of us left behind will always wish we had more time.
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