Shoes

The shoes on the rack are lined up perfectly
Multiple colors and styles
Who will look at my shoes when I am gone?
Will they wonder when I would wear each pair
And what season it would be?
The boots for the fall
Sandals for the summer perhaps.
I ask myself how did I fill my shoes?
Did I fill them with pride, indulgence or grace?
Did I allow love and compassion
To walk me through my days?
The tender care and effort we
Put into choosing our shoes
Or even if we don’t care
What shoes we choose,
Their significance is no less.
For these shoes cover our feet
And lead us on our chosen path
Always leaving a mark
No matter how big or small
Leaving an imprint of our hearts and souls
To the world and those around us.

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It’s Time

It’s nearly the time to release you
And my heart hurts.
I wish for you joy, excitement
And the pride that comes from
Knowing you are doing the best you can.
I remember you as a child
Your mischievous smile and constant
Teasing of your sisters.
You’re learning to harness that energy now
Into your future self, filled with choices to make.
Just when I feel the pull of loss,
I’m acutely aware that you must go.
In order for us to stay bonded
You must go.
In order for us to be healthy, you must go.
It’s your time now and
Any restlessness that you hold
will be subdued, as you leave.
I must let go for you to step
Into the light.
My light shifts too,
And leaves behind a shadow
Of what was while I hold
A candle for what will be.

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Sleep

This sleep that eludes me
It toys with my exhaustion and fatigue
It laughs at my striving and angst.
Why do some get their golden ticket to slumber
While the rest of us are left with scraps to gather and sort?
Our intellectual and emotional proclivities serve us well during the day
But at night we pay for it with our
yearning and activated nervous system
Sweet sleep, please choose me
Or at least visit me more often.
Yet, each night I will take
them one at a time,
And cherish the silence as
I learn to let go.

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I Believe

I believe in therapy
I believe in forgiveness
I believe in trying again
I believe in honoring grief
I believe in loving your family and friends
I believe in seeking balance
And I believe in never losing sight of your worth.

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My Girls

They sit next to me
I can’t look at them very long or I’ll get the question
Why are you looking at me???
I can’t tell them in that moment my heart is exposed
But beating so beatifically to their rhythm
Their joys, frustrations and aspirations.
I remember when I was their age once
I see my mother’s eyes looking at me then too
That look
I wish you happiness, peace and love.
You will always be loved.
Don’t forget your worth
Bring it into every room you are in
And remember to share your story
Because you have so much to share.

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Messages

Feeling the yearning for you and your voice today.
You and Dad and your presence here on Earth.
I lose my breath when I acknowledge you are both gone.
The loss is too immense,
How to hold it in my heart,
And still carry on about my day…
Where are you?
Some say you are in Heaven
What is Heaven?
Some place of peace and joy, I hope.
I rest easy knowing you are out of pain finally.
You are free!
You and Dad are free.
I see you both laughing now
With feelings of unimaginable joy,
And finally reunited.
I know you are both in cahoots
Sending all your five children
Messages daily to remind us
that you are here,
You are with us.
I see you high fiving each other
After one of you has sent a really good message;
A message so good that In our mortal
Souls we can’t help but know you are with us.
Please never leave and be available
In our back pockets
So that we can feel you
When we need it most.

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